Vivien Yh Kuo

15^th Jul 2011

Friday // 6pm // 10 months ago

twoface.

It’s a day after my birthday, and i’ve been sitting in my room since yesterday, but my thoughts and realizations have been different. I feel like my life has been a lie this whole time. The person that I wanted to believe in the most that would never hurt me , would of course not only hurt me once, but do it all over again as if i’m a bulletproof vest. Maybe I wouldn’t want to live my life on my regrets, but I do regret ever believing in you, ever trying to trust you hoping that you’d turn out to be the person I thought . But no, what i’ve found is the person I wanted to believe so much you weren’t , and that i defended from what my friends say to me about you. I think here is where everything should be left behind, that the love has been lost and there is no returning. I think here is where we should part are separate ways, and find the meaning to love again. Our love was shattered and was a lie, but I guess all i can do is learn from this kind of silly love, this kinda love that only lies and hides. Maybe one day I’ll find love as a beautiful thing that you’ve completely ruined for me. 

21^st Jun 2011

Tuesday // 2am // 11 months ago

So glad that I finally caught you at being the person you convinced me you weren’t. I guess I always know whats best for me even after almost a year of being with you. You called me a bitch, well good, because YOU don’t deserve me and YOU will never ever get the best of me ever again. Sorry I wasted my freshmen year of my college being with you , i promise i won’t be THAT pathetic EVER again. Smh, thought I was actually going to stay friends with you, but now I don’t even want to remember who you are. deuces. that’s all I have to say.

19^th Jun 2011

Sunday // 3am // 11 months ago

thoughts.

Just a few months ago, I lost a friend of mine. Since I was younger, I always wanted to believe life was a fairytale, something like the cinderella story where everyone and everything has a happy ending. It made it seem like becoming oblivious to the negative things in life was better and to close one eyes, and close one ear to people’s problems was easier until a realization of life came swarming in all at once. I never believed something could happen when i went to college, nor does death ever come apparent to me especially at such a young age. Lily’s beauty was like an actual lily flower that stood strong but peaceful and graceful at the same time. I remember the last memory I had of her was giving her rice krispies in my dorm room with a bottle of water. I still remember what she was wearing, and I walked her out of the elevator not realizing that, that was the last time I was ever going to see her until her wake. Something in my heart dropped and all the more, I wanted to hate life and everything that made it go bad. Till this day, she is always in my thoughts, and in my choices. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and i do believe she is in a happier place. Her death has made me realized many things in life and the importance of the future. Seeing that, she was so beautiful, she would have been so successful in life, all the more to make me stay strong for the future and to endure all the troubles that lie ahead like Robert Frost would say in his poem ” the road not taken” . If it were not for Lily, Rutgers newark would be a complete fail in making me happy. I would’ve never appreciated the people around me, and i’d never even get close to people at Rutgers. I can’t say that our friendship will last forever, but I will say that, i hope that the friendships that i’ve made at college will remain as close as possible and that Lily’s spirit will be able to help keep us close forever. Whatever troubles , whatever drama that we go through/ will go through, let us not forget the passion we have in keeping our friendships last for a lifetime. Its not easy finding a girl to talk to , or even trust, but thank you Lily for bringing me the best girlfriend at Newark. If it wasn’t for you, Andrea and I would never have gotten close. Most importantly, I have to thank you for truly making me see life in another direction, and to take that long road in order to have a stronger foundations. Miss you Lilypad, and you’ll always, always be in my heart.

Dedicated to my Rutgers famm . ya”lll know who you guys are =)

15^th Jul 2010

Thursday // 2am // 1 year ago

Wake up call

I am finally eighteen . Even though I’m one year older from last year , there are still so many things I have yet to learn . We all look back through the journey that led us to who and where we are now . We go through the heartbreaks, the lies, the times where we felt like everything sucks in life, the nonsense fights we have with our friends or family , the times where we made wrong mistakes and suffered the consenquences that came after them , and the times where we felt lonely and had nobody to talk to . But along that long journey we also make new friends , become stronger everyday, step into a more virtuous life , celebrate the hapiness around us , new crushes , new beginnings , and most importantly learning to come back to God when nothing else satifies .
Along this little journey , we get tested on our patience , our self control , our faithfulness , and most importantly how strong our love is for the people around us . We make mistakes along the way, but we choose a path to either fail or continuing to move forward with our lives .

I’m eighteen now , and I’m tired of being the same naïve kid . I want to measure my sucess on hapiness , never money . Its becoming clear to me that mistakes that happen over and over again , are never learned and turn into habbits . There are always going to be things in life that never works out , but if you let those things hinder , you”ll never be the stronger person life is wanting you to be .

There are only non crossable red lights , but never days where we cannot continue to live .

I thank God for the people that have truly impacted my life . Sarah , I hope you will have a blessed trip on taiwan missions . You have truly shown your real self and you have become my inspiration .
Patricia , you are inspiration to push things that seem impossible to become less selfish . I hope I will be able to meet you one day . You are the shining star in my life , and I hope I will push on to sponsor you :) .
Although my birthday ended with me in tears , I know another door opens and I just have to keep pushing , because one day all these hurts will only make me into a better person . I will only search for my identity , and let nothing get in my way to distract me .
With hard work and faith , the person you want to be does exist .

31^st May 2010

Monday // 7pm // 2 years ago

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/mamia

31^st May 2010

Monday // 7pm // 2 years ago

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/mamia

22^nd May 2010

Saturday // 12pm // 2 years ago

And all in an instant, everything changes.

We leave the past behind, and speed toward the unknown: Our future

We set out for far out places and try to find ourselves;

or try to lose ourselves.

But, if we hold on to the past to tight, the future might not ever come.

03^rd May 2010

Monday // 10pm // 2 years ago

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/mamia

02^nd May 2010

Sunday // 10am // 2 years ago

do you ever think about ur ex still?

i’d be lying if i said no. but i wish it was no. But its more bad stuff than good. i’ve never been so bitter after a break up. Ive been hurt, and it was hard moving on, but never bitter to the point where it kills me to be bitter towards someone. I just have to learn to forgive, and its the hardest when he doesn’t give a crap. Thats with anyone though, how could u forgive a friend who absoloutely shows no sympathy ? Its hard, but I know forgiveness is not about the other person , and its gonna keep draining me if I don’t forgive. Nowadays, only keeping my head high, and looking forward to life is how I keep strong. I hope this won’t be a 6 month thing that I don’t get over this like my sophomore year. The faster i get over it, the faster i’ll be able to be a better person.

Ask me anything

02^nd May 2010

Sunday // 10am // 2 years ago

Okay seriously..

tristanambat:

No more drinking or smoking from now on x

 its not that hard budd!